Comfort Beliefs

1. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true.
2. Santa Claus exists and rewards good behavior at the end of the year.
3. If you save the tabs from your soda cans, they can be exchanged as a currency for various sexual favors.
4. Wearing your lucky jersey will help your favorite sports team win their game.
5. Unicorn farts can cure cancer.
6. Everything happens for a reason.

What do these statements all have in common? First of all, they are all superstitious to varying degrees. Secondly, some of them are believed to be facts by certain people. Thirdly, not a single one of them is even remotely true...not even close.

Why is #6 highlighted? A lot of people believe this to be a fact. A LOT. It's not their fault either. All of these things are comforting to believe. People want/need to believe that there is order in this world; they need to believe that it isn't just a shitty place full of uncertainty and chaos. Many people who claim they are not superstitious will still cling to #6 until the day they die. I don't fault them either. I wish I could believe it, but I don't.

When I'm trying to give advice to a friend to cheer them up, I never resort to superstition. Still, over the last 6 months, I have been told that "everything happens for a reason" so many times, it really makes me wonder why people are unable to separate certain superstitious beliefs from fact.

Dear World,

I love the fact that you created me to be so level-headed and rational. It is one of my favorite qualities in myself. Thank you.

I hate the fact that, on the rare occasion that I allow myself to become irrationally angry about something to the point where I might say something about it, I immediately feel the need to insert an apology to whomever I may be unloading upon. My level-headedness is unable to permit me to truly lash out about anything without realizing how truly full of shit I may be, thus cancelling out any satisfaction I might have gained by being angry in the first place.

I find this frustrating.

Sincerely,

Me

So it goes....

These rules are not gender specific....

The good ones are taken. The good ones that aren't taken aren't ready for you because they're broken. When they are ready again, they'll CLEARLY choose another jackass/bitch who will just break them again. On the off chance you meet a good one who isn't taken OR broken, you yourself will be too screwed up in the head for it to even matter. This pattern stays on repeat for the rest of your life.

Enjoy the game!