Dear bar customer...

I'm glad it's your birthday. That's great, have some fun.

I'm glad that on your birthday you expect people to treat you well, though you may not necessarily return the favor.

I'm glad that you "don't go out to bars much" and this night means a lot to you.

I'm glad that your friends are too cheap to buy drinks for you.

I'm glad that, in stark contrast to accepted bar etiquette, you chose to ask me(the bartender) for a free drink.

I'm glad that you believe that because it is your birthday, you are entitled to a free drink.

I'm glad that you at least pretended to be apologetic when I took the time to explain a few key points about bar etiquette(i.e. The fastest way to be denied a free drink is to ASK for one. Even more so for DEMANDING one.)

I'm glad that you seemed genuine enough that I did go ahead and buy you a shot on your birthday.

I'm glad that 5 minutes later, you asked me for another free drink.

I'm glad that you also felt that you were entitled to this free drink, again because it is your birthday.

I'm glad you started to get upset when I told you I would not buy you another drink, but still decided to go with puppy dog eyes for the next few minutes, hoping I would succumb to them.

I'm glad you eventually got annoyed at me(the bartender who 5 minutes previously had given you a free drink and said "Happy Birthday, Christina").

I'm glad you then called me an "asshole" and vowed to never return to my bar, where we had treated you SO POORLY(Got you on the bar for the Hurricane, served you with a smile despite your demanding and entitled tone, gave you a free, albeit undeserved shot).

I'm glad that you think the fact that it's your birthday somehow makes you special. It doesn't. What is your birthday actually celebrating? Is it the day you cured cancer? The day you helped build a house for charity? Or was it the day your mother spent hours suffering and struggling to bring you into this world, crying and screaming? That must've been a great accomplishment for you on this day 23 years ago. I can see why you feel so special. Not to mention every year since then on this day, you did such great things as receive gifts, attention, and adoration from your family and friends.

I am such an asshole for ONLY giving you ONE free shot, on this day, the day of your birth, the day you did great things that are deserving of praise.

Fuck you. Seriously. I feel sorry for your mother. She probably tried so hard to raise you to be respectful and polite. She must feel awful for having raised such a spoiled, whiny, demanding, and self-absorbed cunt as yourself.

If I ever meet her, I'll buy your mom a shot for having to put up with your shit her entire life.

Sincerely,

The Bartender

P.S. I really hope you stick to your word. Don't ever come back to my bar.