Thoughts about music and the beginning of fall...

I'm going to rant about music for second here and you're going to read what I have to say.

I love music. I love music of all genres and styles, but I tend to gravitate towards instrumental music more than music with words. This is partly because I am primarily an instrumentalist myself, having been a saxophone player since the 5th grade. I was raised on jazz and classical and really only began to assimilate pop, rock, indie, country, and hip-hop into my tastes when I was well into college.

The other reason I tend to prefer instrumental music is because I like a song that can tell me what it's all about without TELLING me what it's all about. To be sure, there are some amazing singer/songwriters out there who have MASTERED the art of telling a story through song. But to me, the purest musical story comes from the melody, the harmony, the counterpoint, the rhythm, and even the tambre of the instruments.

I'm getting to my point. Today is the first day of fall. And I want to talk about Vince Guaraldi's often overlooked "Great Pumpkin Waltz". He's so well known for "Linus and Lucy" or "Christmastime is Here", but this is by far my favorite track of his. 

Because I fucking LOVE fall, and in this piece of musical storytelling, not a damn word is spoken, yet you KNOW it is about fall without needing to be told so. I challenge anyone to suggest a song that more completely describes to you That Feeling.

What feeling?

Listen to it first, and then just go ahead and agree with everything I'm about to say. Because I'm not wrong. 

Using only music, Vince Guaraldi just described That Feeling to you.

That feeling of inexplicable melancholy, of desperate longing for....some intangible thing... of leaves turning brown and falling to the ground...of the end of carefree summer days and the impending arrival of winter.

If I sit with this song and really, truly LISTEN...it will bring me to tears every single time. How does it do that? The beauty of the music? Sure, partly. But there's something else folded up within the brilliant songwriting that tugs at me in ways I can't fully wrap my head around. I never excelled in music theory, especially jazz theory, and there is a LOT going on harmonically that I don't fully comprehend, but there are other more obvious elements that really paint a picture for the everyday listener.

Take, for instance, a chromatically descending "ground bass" line, which has been utilized by composers for centuries to express sorrow and loss; from Henry Purcell's "When I Am Laid In Earth" from Dido and Aeneas(~1688), all the way up to George Harrison's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"(1968).

The light and crisp guitar chords syncopated across the 3/4 shuffle evoke a stroll through the park, fallen leaves rustling as your feet brush past them.

Then the sans-vibrato flute in unison with a muted trumpet describe that first cold, overcast day of the season. Your shorts and t-shirts have been put away until spring and you're wearing your favorite sweater and a light beanie. You're probably gonna sip on some hot chocolate once you get back inside.

Then awhile later, the flute comes back in to restate the melody, this time with a rich, plaintive vibrato, and you can almost FEEL that bitter cold wind blowing through the now bare branches as they silhouette a full moon rising low in the sky. Everything that was green and full of life is gone, and you can no longer remember how that even felt, as you are chilled to the bone.

Keep in mind...I LOVE fall and I'm a card-carrying #teamwinter ambassador, but this fucking song can still make me sad about the end of summer.

That's the true power of music. It can make you feel what it wants you to feel. It can tell you a story without words and paint a picture with no visible canvas.

"Songs are really just interesting things to be doing with the air." - Tom Waits

Thank you for attending my Ted talk. 

The Worst Date I Ever Went On AKA "The Tale Of Dinosaur Girl"

A friend asked for people to post their worst date stories on a Facebook thread. I've been meaning to get this story written down for awhile now, but I knew that, in its entirety, it would not fit in a Facebook comment. So I'm putting it here. For science.

I met a gal on OkCupid circa 2013. I'll spare a lot of details, but it was a time in both of our lives when we weren't necessarily looking for anything serious, so we went in hoping for some good chemistry and somebody to have fun with. Agreed to meet for dinner in Waldo, and if the evening was going well, we'd head somewhere else for drinks afterwards. Dinner went fine, good enough conversation, mutual attraction, bingo.

We hop in my car and drive up to Westport. Had a beer at Kelly's and then headed to Beer Kitchen for a few more. Now I don't remember how exactly we got on the topic, but there's a decent chance we were discussing our interests, education, fascinations...who knows? BUT...at SOME point we end up on the topic of science and how awesome I think it is. And THEN...something leads to her saying the following words...

Her - "I think it's just ridiculous that some people think the earth is millions of years old."

*Pregnant pause*

Me - "....um....you mean...BILLIONS....with a B.....right? Because the earth is 4 BILLION years old..."

Her - "Yeah, that's completely ridiculous! There's no WAY it's that old."

So in my mind, we clearly have widely different worldviews. And boy do I LOVE a good debate! I launch into scientific defenses of the premise of the earth and universe being that old. Starting with the fossil record...

Her - "Oh yeah, but after that much time, there's no WAY those bones would still be there."

Me - "Um....I mean...they're not BONES anymore, they've fossilized...you know...turned into stone?"

Her - "Well, how'd they do THAT?"

(I realize, not having a geology degree, I probably won't be able to explain technically how that happened, but I also realize that even if I could, it may just be lost on this individual. She also at one point mentions that she thinks dinosaurs were fake/didn't exist. Additionally, she mentions that if she had kids, she would NEVER send them to public school because of the nonsense they teach them...it'd be private school for any child of hers.)

Me - "Ok then...what about carbon dating?"

Her - "Carbon dating has been THOROUGHLY debunked. EVERYONE knows that (I shit you not she said this) CARBON LEVELS IN THE ATMOSPHERE HAVE VARIED GREATLY THROUGHOUT HISTORY."

(My brain screams to itself, "THAT'S NOT WHAT CARBON DATING EVEN IS!!!!!"

Me - "Ok, well...let's think astronomically...if we know how far away something is, and we know the speed of light, then we can safely assume that the light from an object a billion light years away has taken...(wait for it)...a BILLION YEARS to reach us!

(I continue arguing astronomy, but at a certain point I realize she is staring at me with a facial expression that is a mix of incredulity, disgust, and pity)

Kinda like this.

Her - "...I don't even know what to SAY to you right now..."

(continues staring at me like I'M the idiot and she feels sorry/offended that I apparently didn't get a good education)

Me - "Hey, I mean, it's no big deal...if I've said something to upset you, it was not my intent. I thought we were having a good debate, but if you'd rather discuss something else, that's fine."

Her - *facial expression unchanged, says nothing*

Me - "Ummmm...soooooo...." (just trying to salvage SOME semblance of civility, failing)

Her - *NOTHING. She has completely shut down and will not speak.*

Me - "Um....should I get the tab?"

Her - "Yeah." *Spoken with the same inflection you would give the word "Ew."*

Me - *pays tab, we collect our things, walk back to the car, and drive from Westport to Waldo...IN COMPLETE SILENCE*

I drop her off at her car. She gets out. I am about to punch the gas to put as much distance as possible between myself and this person. BUT...right before she shuts the door, she says...

Her - "I might text you later." *Door shuts, She gets in her car.*

My brain - "WHYYYYYYYYY??!?!?!? WHY WOULD YOU TEXT ME!?!? WASN'T THAT JUST THE WORST DATE YOU'VE EVER BEEN ON??!?!?"

I get home. True to her word, she texts me.

Her - "I don't know where we go from here."

WE DON'T GO ANYWHERE, YOU'RE HORRIBLE AND WE'RE WRONG FOR EACH OTHER

Me - (Being nice) "Um, I guess we don't have to go anywhere. Maybe it just won't work out."

Her - "You were doing really well there for awhile."

I realize she's trying to let me down easy...because clearly I'm the one who screwed up and I must feel simply awful for blowing it with such a fine specimen as her. I decide I'm just going to let her think she has the upper hand because I really don't need to lay into this poor soul for my own personal satisfaction.

Me - "I guess I blew it."

Her - "Big time."

Me - "Oh well..."

AW SHUCKY DARN *overly dramatic finger snap*

That was the end of the evening. Over the next few weeks I told that story to literally anybody who would listen. As the days passed, some of the more subtle details of the evening started to emerge from my memory. Such as this...I remembered that she was maybe kinda a little bit racist. When we were at Beer Kitchen, there was an interracial couple sitting across the bar from us.

She looked over at them and said to me, "I just don't know what they think they're trying to prove."

Me, obviously shell-shocked, immediately responded, "I don't know, it looks like they're having a good time!" *TAKES LONG DRINK FROM MY BEER, CHANGES SUBJECT*

Anyways...that was The End...or so I thought. 3-4 months later, she texts me again...

Her - "So are you seeing anybody?"

I do not respond.

That was THE END...

...until...

Many MANY years later, I stumble upon her dating profile on Tinder. The curiosity is way too overwhelming and I swipe right on her. INSTANT MATCH, imagine that!

I message her and ask if she remembers me. She says she doesn't. I mention that we had a pretty memorable conversation about science and how she didn't believe in dinosaurs. She denies everything.

THAT is the ACTUAL end.

"Best Month Ever", and Beyond... AKA Why My Life Rocks Lately

Some of you may have seen me post the following status on Facebook:

Vague much?

Anyways, I was going to write a blog post about all the amazing things that happened in April, but I was waiting for a few things to fall into place before I could technically reveal one of the items I intended to discuss. But then something happened...going into May and through the beginning of June, I was having a problem. Awesome things did not stop happening. Seeing as how I was too lazy to make two back-to-back posts about consecutive months that were both really great, I'm just lumping them together and saying that I've had a really good run lately. 

April's awesomeness began with the Kansas City CureSearch Walk. This year, instead of the MS Ride which I've dedicated my fundraising to the past 5-6 years, I decided instead to focus on raising money for pediatric cancer research through CureSearch, a charity which directly funds a lot of the research going on in the Hematology/Oncology unit at Children's Mercy where I work. I've even seen the CureSearch logo on some of the treatment protocols for our patients, so it's obviously close to home and something I'm proud to be a part of. I did my usual fundraising with the help of relentlessly tagging people on Facebook and nagging my friends and family to donate. This year I raised $2600 and was surprised to discover that made me the top fundraiser for the entire event, which raised $125,000 this year! That seems a very small amount compared to the KC MS Ride which regularly collects over a million bucks! Anyways, as part of my fundraising, my gimmick was that I'd shave my head if I raised over $2000, and at the event I decided to let some kids do the dirty work. They also did a nice write-up about it on the CureSearch website.

 

Next up in April was the Brew to Brew race, which was 43 miles, my longest run to date, and a final test of legs and nutrition/hydration before the Free State 100K. It went really well, and I wrote about it here.

Finishing with Wael and Danny M

Then came the Free State 100K, a few weeks later, and my NEW longest run to date. It went incredibly well, despite some last minute doubts about my plan, some lessons learned along the way, and a few hours of my race spent beating myself up over nothing. The race report was also well-read and very well received.

"Trail Nerd poster boy" according to Bad Ben

Four days after Free State, still somewhat wobbly on the legs and sleep deprived from an overnight shift at the hospital, I showed up to a studio in downtown Kansas City, went through makeup and wardrobe, and took my best shot at being Derek Zoolander, male model. Some explanation is necessary here...

I have a friend named Amy who I basically met second hand via Facebook. Back in 2010 when I raced Ironman Coeur d'Alene, she was training for Ironman Louisville and had a friend recommend my race blog. We ended up becoming acquainted through chatting about training and racing and occasionally about "real life" stuff. In January, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and in February, she began chemotherapy. She started a Caring Bridge blog to document her day to day experiences as she battled cancer, which I read. As a pediatric oncology nurse, I was not only curious about her experiences, but was able to better help her understand some of the terminology the doctors were throwing around and explain some of the aspects of her treatment.

Throughout her treatment, she has been an inspiration. Not only has she faced the diagnosis with grace and courage, she has inspired me by continuing her active lifestyle through this very difficult chapter in her life. And obviously, I've not been the only person to take notice. A friend of hers submitted her name to the PR company that runs the annual Lee Jeans Denim Day campaign. This is an event which takes place in October, and basically turns casual Friday into a fundraising opportunity for breast cancer. In the past, this campaign has had celebrity spokespersons, but lately they've been focusing more on telling the stories of everyday folks. Since it's inception, it has raised over 80 million dollars and has close to a million participants every year.

The group ended up choosing her to be the face of their national campaign this year. In preparation for the photo shoot for their website and all of their promotional materials, they asked her to choose a handful of friends who have inspired her, supported her, and given her courage through this process. She chose a few coworkers, one of whom is battling cancer herself, a new friend who she met during her treatments, and to my surprise, she also included me on her short list... stating that I had been inspiring her with my athletic exploits ever since we "met" and that I had lately been a source of encouragement to her through my racing and my fundraising efforts for pediatric cancer.

Once we were all dolled up with makeup and wardrobe, they conducted video interviews and a lengthy photo shoot in the studio, as well as several locations around KC. The website just went live over the weekend(hence the delay in me being allowed to post about it) www.denimday.com The actual day of the event is October 4th, 2013. 

One of the pics chosen for the website... Amy and I with our tri bikes!

So that pretty much covers April...

But wait...THERE'S MORE!

I figured one month of solid awesome was more than I could hope for, but it wasn't. On May 3rd, I arrived to work and was met by coworkers telling me "Hey congratulations!", "Way to go!", or "Night shift represent!". I soon discovered that I had been nominated and selected to be the employee of the month on my unit. The nominations are submitted by patients and families, and the winner is selected by our social committee. 

 

The nomination read as follows, "He can juggle and tell funny jokes and helps make these kids stay more pleasant. He understands there is more to this job than just being a nurse. Making these kids smile is just as important as medicine. Not all nurses act like they love their job, but we have never seen him have a bad day! A great nurse and a wonderful guy!" 

I actually teared up a bit when I first read it. Not only is it quite possibly one of the nicest things that has ever been said about me, but it tells me that I'm accomplishing exactly what I want to as a nurse. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn and I'll continue to grow in the technical aspects of oncology as well as in the caretaker role, but to have this happen within my first 6 months on the unit is unbelievably encouraging! It's also cool because they only started doing Employee of the Month in November, and until now there hadn't been any winners from night shift. This seemed somewhat unfair to us since the day shift staff gets so much more face time and interaction with their patients and families since...you know...they're awake and all. On nights, you usually get 3-4 hours before they all hit the sack and hopefully, you don't talk to them again until morning bedside report. 

Although these nominations are anonymous, it was a dead giveaway who wrote this one, since I've only juggled for one of my patients. An adorable little girl with relapsed neuroblastoma. Her dad had told me that she recently went to Branson and saw a juggler for the first time and was amazed! Seeing an opportunity to connect with this shy little thing, who up until this point had yet to look me in the eyes or speak to me directly, I picked up the 3 closest objects I could find: a roll of tape and two packets of butter from her dinner tray. I began juggling for her and acting the fool to the best of my ability. Well...she still wouldn't look at me or speak to me, but I gave it my best shot. A day later I had her again, and while she still was shy towards me, Dad had informed me that after I left for the day, she would not stop talking about "Danny the butter juggler". I guess I made an impression after all!

May continued it's awesomeness when I decided to sign up for the Perry 50K, which would be my 5th ultramarathon of the year. I had no particular expectations for that race, but I was going to try to go fast and just see what happened. Click here to see what happened!

In May I also concluded my apartment hunt, finally settling on a very modest one-bedroom apartment in Merriam, KS. This will be my first time living on my own, and it represents a very large step in the direction I've been wanting to go for quite some time. Self-reliance has always been important to me, and now that I'm working and financially stable for the first time since I began my nursing school journey, I can finally afford to live the way I'd like. I might even get a dog! 

In a general sense in my personal life, these past few months have been very good for me in the healing department. I won't go into specifics, but I've come to be more at peace with the things I've lost and every day I'm coming closer to the realization that, while I do miss those things very much, they aren't necessarily what I need at this point in my life, and I will likely be better off in the long run having had this time to work on things in my own life. If you've had more than a handful of conversations with me, you most likely know what I'm talking about. Another thing that happened in April was that I finally began seeing a therapist to help me sort all of this stuff out. It's not covered by my insurance and I'm still finding out whether or not it will be worth the money, but it's at least important in the fact that I'm doing this for myself. So far I've seen her twice and have really enjoyed the sessions and the perspective she has given me. 

I also had the opportunity to spend time with the fabulous Adi Carter, who ran the yoga retreat I went to last year in Puerto Rico. She was coming through town on her way out and back from Colorado, and we got to hang out and ride bikes a few times! She is truly a unique spirit and modern day renaissance woman. 

All of this awesomeness continues, even through this weekend when I ran the Hospital Hill half marathon with my good friend Karli Lockard, who is married to one of my best friends and also happens to be the morning meteorologist on Fox 4 news. I helped pace her to a course PR, and then she talked about me on the news! 

Ready to rock it, repping with the Mud Babe hat.

Also...I bartended last weekend and a friend at the Sandbar brought this tweet to my attention.

For the record, this "new" bartender has been working there for 8 years.

Kicking ass at life...I like that. It certainly feels that way lately. 

Well, that's about it. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had such an uncanny run of good luck, and I hope it continues throughout the year!

Thanks for reading!

Danny

2012: The Good, The Bad, and The Sweaty

This is going to be a tough one to hammer out. Mostly because I'm still sleeping like an idiot some days(i.e. NOT sleeping when I should be) and today is one of those days. If you've been following my thrilling adventures the past few months you know that I'm going through a bit of a rough patch right now. Usually my New Year's rants are fairly positive and motivational, but it's hard to muster those kinds of words right now. We'll see if I can scrape up something uplifting...

I guess the past few years have been pretty good, so it was easy to honestly tell the story that way. And that's the key. Honesty. I can't honestly sit here and tell you that 2012 was peaches and cream, when in fact it was really a hard year for me in a lot of ways. So I'm just going to tell it like it happened.

And it may not be a good read. Fair warning...see you on the other side, brave souls.

A year ago, I wrote about being happy with my job, my health, and my relationship. Well...I've got one of those things remaining as it was. Let's break it down...I'll start with the bad and finish with the good.

The Relationship...even now I'm still in shock that it's over. Over the course of this year, I watched a beautiful relationship with an amazing girl slowly fall apart, bit by bit. I think deep down, I knew it would end up this way but I couldn't truly admit it to myself, nor could I give up trying to make it work. I am reassured by the fact that I gave it my best shot and don't think I did anything wrong, but that is far outweighed by the disappointment of rejection and the hollowness left in her absence. I know at some point in the future, those feelings will give way to hope and eventual excitement for new things, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

For these reasons, 2012 saw me very often reaching out to friends and family for support, and luckily finding them immediately willing to lend an ear and pick me up when I was down. You all know exactly who you are, and you need to know that you have helped me more than I could possibly express in words. For all the conversations over beer, movies watched, FIFA games, mystery ingredient pot-roasts, shared trail runs, Colorado couch surfing, late night chats, the most awesome wedding I've ever been to, the Annual Loental Holiday Game, and all the rest...I know I owe you all so much. Thank you for being there when I needed you.

The Job...well, long story short...it was awesome, it all blew up, then it sucked, got a little better, got a LOT worse, and then became amazing.

Let me break it down. I started the year as a new nurse orienting in Medical ICU at St. Luke's. In February it became painfully clear to myself and my orientation coordinators that I was not yet fit for critical care. This resulted in a huge blow to my overall confidence as well as confidence in my nursing practice, and a transfer to a lower acuity unit. I was immediately disappointed and bitter about the new job and it took a long time for me to let anyone get to know me because I simply did not want to be there.

After a while, I began to get a feel for the job and an ability to appreciate certain aspects of the care I was giving. In short, I was starting to enjoy it and saw myself perhaps staying there. I began to get to know some of my new coworkers and was thrilled to discover that most of them were not only excellent nurses and aides, but that they were really great people as well. Despite management issues on the unit, I began to make it my home.

As the year went on, the management issues resulted in more and more good nurses leaving for greener pastures, resulting in worse and worse staffing issues. By the end, it was getting downright scary to show up to work, wondering how woefully understaffed we'd be and what catastrophe might befall us or a patient due to being so stretched.

Luckily, I got word from a friend who I met during my Capstone at Children's Mercy that their Hematology/Oncology unit was hiring. I submitted an application that very day and within a few weeks, I had an interview lined up. The morning after my interview, I was offered the job and later that day I put in my 2 weeks notice at St. Luke's.

To say that this new job has been a god-damned blessing is maybe the biggest understatement I've made all year. After only a month working on the floor, I am already absolutely in love with the job. Working here has not only reenergized passion for my career, but has most likely kept my state of mental health from completely bottoming out through these recent weeks. The kids I care for are amazing in so many ways. For instance...I've had the privilege of caring for this kid.

Speaking Of Health...now is when I talk about all the athletic type stuff normally reserved for my race blog. 2012 broke every previous mileage record I had. I set PRs in both half and full Ironman distance triathlons. I earned my first official age group award. I added 12 new finisher medals to my wall, including a handmade medal for our unofficial thanksgiving half marathon, courtesy of Eli Stephens. Additionally, there were countless trail runs with good people, and many more alone with my thoughts... or without my thoughts as was sometimes necessary.

Mileage totals for the year...
Running: 758
Cycling: 1423
Swimming: 24

So all in all, an extremely successful year to look back on in that regard, especially seeing as how I did it all without getting injured.

I guess aside from a broken heart, I have to admit that this year, with all its struggles, has left me in a pretty good place. It's just awfully hard to appreciate that on a day to day basis. This is why I write...to remind myself of the facts. I'm honest because I can't ignore the truth when it's on the page staring me in the face.

So now...the part where I harp on New Year's resolutions. If you've read any of my previous rants on this subject, you may skip to the end. I'm essentially going to say the exact same thing, but I'm going to try and reword it and make it seem fresh and clever.

It most likely won't work. But here goes nothing...

I've been telling myself that I needed to start doing yoga again for various reasons. It calms me and keeps me centered. It keeps me strong and loose in ways running cannot, and it prevents injury in ways that running definitely cannot.

I've been telling myself this since February. So I finally rolled out the yoga mat THIS week and started myself down that road once again. Please note....I did not wait until January 1st. I wish I had done it 2 months ago when I started tapering for Ironman Florida. But I did it this week.

If there's something you wish you were doing or something you want to change about your life...resolve to do it today. If you do it tomorrow, do not do it because that's what the bandwagon is doing, but because you recognize that every day of the calendar year holds the same promise and opportunity as the next. Remember that.

When the resolutions you make today fade from memory, successful or not, never forget to reengage that part of yourself that makes the bold choices, the part that strives to be better. Don't let that part of you lay dormant all year while you spin along in your metaphorical hamster wheel of routine and habit. If you do make a once a year resolution, resolve to revisit your goals on a regular basis.

Finding serenity at Wyco

Personally, in 2013 I'd like to keep doing yoga regularly, run 1000 miles, work towards becoming an awesome nurse, manage my money a little better, cook more/eat out less, reach out to friends(and not just when I'm Captain Sad Pants), travel some, and be a happier version of myself than I was in 2012.

This all starts now. It starts every day. It starts every moment I can remind myself that this is who I want to be and what I want to do with my limited time in this wonderfully complex sack of organic material I call my body.

Be good to yourselves.

And...you know....kill the motherfucking bear.

D

That moment when...

...when you realize you just had a great idea. Or a handful of great ideas. Life changing things, or maybe just really thoughtful or inspired things.

Whatever it is you have/had...it's slipping away.

That is me. That is now. Must. Type. Faster.

Whatever I was just dreaming about was It. And It was a mess of inspiration, of Change The World, of Why Not Me?

In part of my dream, I was planning a huge expedition. Alaska was the destination, but at some point there was some kind of complication. Getting there wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. No problem I dream-thought to myself, I'll just get there the hard way. It was pointed out to me that the "hard way" involved things that were beyond my means and capabilities. Hiking across multiple states, through unyielding terrain, and catching a train from somewhere that would take me the rest of the way to my final destination to do whatever it is I was going to do there. Fair enough, Dream Me thought. I settled for doing something meaningful and wonderful more locally and it ended up being just as awesome as I needed. I suppose there are lessons to be learned from both approaches.

Weird dream. At some point I woke up from "dreaming" in the strictest sense, but was still caught in that "you're awake, but still half asleep" state where you're wrestling with consciousness, trying to avoid waking up, trying to recapture the dream and pick up where you left off. All I could really do was maintain my state of limbo between the two, but it was oddly liberating. I was asleep enough to have freedom of thought normally restricted by my conscious mind, but conscious enough to be able to add a small dose of rationality to the conversations going on in my head. And I remember those conversations MUCH better than the vague-assed dream I just attempted to describe. For now at least. (Must. Type. Faster)

I'm coming to a point. Or several points.

In my dream, the presence of Alaska as a theme was clearly inspired by a friend of mine who is currently on an expedition to climb Mt. Denali. He is simultaneously attempting to raise a whole boatload of money for a cause that nobody has ever heard of. I'll link to it once I'm done writing, just want to get the thoughts out of my head.

That got me thinking about charity. I've been a fundraising guy for 6 years now. All my friends are painfully aware of it, but once a year I pound down everyone's door in support of a cause I believe in. In the past few years, more of my friends have become fundraising people, meaning that more of the people who were tossing money my way once a year have found causes that they themselves believe in enough to do something about it.

I wondered if the revolution of social networking would someday lead to charity itself going viral. A time where everyone had a cause they were pimping out, trying to make their own little difference in the world. Part of me thought this would be a bad thing, because nobody would be left to donate to other causes because they were too busy trying to promote their own. Then I convinced myself that it HAD to be a good thing. I think of the amount of people I know. How few of them do anything like this. How much MORE room there is for charity in the world. If charity itself went viral, and everybody had a cause they gave time and effort to, that'd be a better world, right? I imagined increasingly creative attempts to showcase one's cause in an increasingly competitive fundraising market. And when people start using their brains creatively, good things happen. And speaking of creative minds and good things happening...

I then started thinking about zefrank and what he has done with a camera and some ideas. Possibly the only video blogger I can stand to watch. I don't know how he does it, but his ideas are brilliant, and he presents them so interestingly. I wondered if I could do the same. I think my own ideas are pretty brilliant sometimes, and occasionally I'll write them down and publish them here. Or I'll tell them to a friend. In my half-awake state, I imagined myself being wildly successful at it and getting to someday collaborate with zefrank himself. To me, he's kind of a nerd celebrity. An everyman's kind of guru. He's just a guy with some thoughtful things to say, a camera, and a knack for editing. Why Not Me?

I felt something on my arm. In my groggy state I immediately convinced myself it was a spider and I leaped out of bed, turned on the light, and prepared to destroy the awful thing. No spider. Just an empty bed. I went to the kitchen, got a glass of water, and then sat down at the computer to start recording my thoughts before they disappeared forever. Now that I'm awake and thinking about it with the full weight of consciousness, I am 100% convinced that I'd be terrible on camera and that nobody would enjoy watching me in video blog format.I guess this is what ze is talking about when he talks about "the everything thing". He would then recommend an FILDI(Fuck it, let's do it). I seriously recommend following this guy. Might change your life...or at least give you fucked up dreams.

The excited and inspired feeling I had when I first started typing is gone. I don't know if I got it all down, but I'm out of thoughts now. Kinda like this.

Forsooth! A blog entry...

Gonna get right into this one...

You know how sometimes you can turn off your alarm clock without actually regaining consciousness? It's almost like your body knows it needs more sleep, recognizes the threat to its survival in the form of the incessant, horrible beeping, and then goes into override. Your brain knows things like "I need to make it to work on time" or "I want to have a productive morning". But all the body knows is "Uh uh...more sleep." My alarm clock is across the room, and disengaging it requires getting up and out of bed and finding that particular switch(not the easily mashable snooze, mind you) on the side of the clock that completely turns it off. Forever. Doing this while not interrupting my slumber is rather impressive, despite the fact that it leaves me with that horrible gut feeling the moment I wake up and realize I am WAY too well rested for this to be appropriate. Shit, time to call somebody and apologize/feel guilty for wasting a beautiful day asleep like a chump.

The point is, the body can do some interesting things without waking you up.

But that's not what I came to talk about.

I recently obtained dental insurance and got fitted for a nightguard(I grind my teeth at night). It wasn't entirely cheap, but it's something I probably should have been wearing since the FIRST time a dentist told me I needed one(10 years ago?). Anyways, to no surprise I was warned that it would take awhile to get used to.

Well last night I took it out for its inaugural sleep. Yes...rather uncomfortable at first. Drool production seems to quadruple any time I am wearing it, but I eventually get settled and fall asleep, mostly with the help of my 12 hour shift exhaustion. I woke up partway through my intended duration of sleep to realize a few things.

Not only was I no longer wearing my nightguard, BUT it was back in its case, which was now closed. I had no recollection of taking it out at any point...much less of carefully placing it back in its case and shutting it. I could undestand if the nightguard was simply out of my mouth and lying in a puddle of drool on the bed wherever it had fallen or been spit out. Seeing as how I was still a little groggy and fully intended to fall immediately back to sleep, I overlooked this peculiarity and placed the nightguard back in my mouth. Lights out, once again.

My alarm clock went off. It did wake me and as I got up to turn it off...guess what? No nightguard.

Where? Yep...back in its case.

How?

Well...apparently my body knows just a few things and doesn't need to consult my brain when questions over such things arise. Things like: "No, we are not fully rested...MOAR SLEEP!" and apparently "This thing is jeopardizing our airway and DOES NOT BELONG IN OUR FACE! Begone with you...but Mr. Brain up there paid good money for it...better put it back in the case."  

As least my body is considerate.

New Year's Round Up

So here we are, December 31st, the final day of 2011. A wise man does not dwell on the past, but occasional reflection seems both wise and enlightening. I'm going to take a few paragraphs to recap my year for my own benefit. If you enjoy reading about it, even better.

What have I been up to for the past 364 days? Well, I'll tell you.

I spent a good chunk of it becoming a nurse. I graduated from my BSN program in August, took NCLEX on October 5th, and then on October 6th I found out that I had passed AND I got a job offer. I began working in November, and I currently work the night shift in the Medical ICU at St. Luke's in Kansas City. What's more, I couldn't be happier about where I am.

As an athlete, my longest run to date consisted of the 40 miler at the Free State Trail Runs.  As far as mileage, in 2011 I ran 604 miles, biked 951 miles, and swam 19 miles. I also experienced my first "bad race" that was so demoralizing that I needed over a month to recuperate, both physically and motivationally. Additionally, another 50k, a half marathon with my dad, my 3rd half ironman, my first trail half marathon, and a slew of smaller trail races.

Far more gratifying than my own accomplishments, however, was seeing many of my friends either achieve great things or set themselves on the path to do so by becoming active. This year's first-time Ironman finishers include Dustin J, Jeff S, and Carin C. A few good friends did their first marathons, like Indi M, Katie L, and my brother Chris L(also his first half Ironman). Several people have completed first half-marathons like Rachel P, Jamie T, and my father David L. Others have completed their first triathlons like Megan M and Ellie M. Others still have taken those first important steps out their front doors and decided to become active individuals, like Brian and Stephanie S, Christina M who is currently crushing her Couch-To-5k program, and my other brother Mike L, who not only quit smoking, but took up cycling. To these people and countless others, I send a hearty congratulations and wishes for more of the same in 2012. Kill the Bear, one and all!

All in all, 2011 was a tough year in many ways, mostly due to school. However, it did seem that all the hardship, doubt, and effort was pointing me in a direction I wanted to go, and now that I appear to have arrived at that destination, I know it was all worth it. I have a job that I love. I have a family that is prospering. I love a girl who thinks I'm worth a damn. I have a body that continues to function well enough that I can continue to challenge my physical and mental limits. Finally, I have a plan for the future, and enough excitement about that plan that I can hardly believe how lucky I am.

I  see myself becoming the happy, mature adult that I never dreamed I'd be. I have amazing friends who support me and inspire me. I am becoming less cynical about the world in some ways, but I worry a lot about the world as well. I try not to let it bother me, especially because most of those things are well out of my control. Mostly, I am once again astounded and thrilled that this year was better than the year before it. I wonder in the back of my mind when things will stop getting better, because what goes up invariably must go down, though I am too busy enjoying life to dwell on that notion.

For the past two years, I've written scathing rebukes of the notion of New Year's resolutions, and this year I have not changed my position. It's hard to say more without becoming a broken record, but I can only wish that people didn't assign self-improvement to ONE day of the calendar year. People are filled with this refreshing sense that everything resets on January 1st and that they can start anew once more. Little do they realize that the Reset button is always right in front of their nose, they just refuse to believe they can press it whenever they want. Earlier this year, some time in April I think, I decided to become a regular flosser. I succeeded for several months before I fell back out of the routine. Did I fail? I suppose it depends on whether or not I intend to try again. If I give up forever, then I have indeed failed. However, that is not my intention, and plaque still trembles in fear when I remember to reach for that floss before bed.

January 1st is the day after December 31st, and both days are equally opportune for making yourself a better person. And all the days in between. 

Be good to yourselves and realize that there is an entire world of possibility beyond your perceived limitations, and if you look past them, you will see it. 

Make today better than yesterday, every day.


Danny